none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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