This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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