my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
