He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
