No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
