Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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