I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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