would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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