i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
