Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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