Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
