in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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