What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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