It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
