I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
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Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
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It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So much Jack, so little girl.
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