I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
