You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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