I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
