a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
They are going to name an STD after you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
