Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
this is an emotional support booty call
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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