I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
