Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
