A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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