At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
