I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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