I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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