Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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