I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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