You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So apparently I’m into choking now
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
