dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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