Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
