Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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