what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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