im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
