I cannot find my penis.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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