I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
