fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
