They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
