I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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