i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
