i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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