yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
