I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
