Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
