i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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