worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
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tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
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We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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