is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
