I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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