i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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