the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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