He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Bring me that man meat
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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