i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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