party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
