i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize
