How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Every concussion has its silver lining
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
