So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
