I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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