just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
