It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
