I'm going to jail i love you
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
