I can text with my tongue
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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