I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
high people should be assigned attendants
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
