If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Randomize
