I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
