I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
