Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
