Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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