just come out here and I will go home with you...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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