peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
