Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
